Mamma's Boy

 The other day I went to get a hair cut. I think last Saturday. I saw a sight there that really disturbed me. There was a boy sitting on one of the barber's chairs and getting his face shaven. They were using a clip to shave him. He looked like a youngish boy of may be 18 or so. He was very fat. 

Thus far was fine. Nothing unusual about it. The thing that disturbed me was that his mother was standing next to him and giving instructions to the barber. I have seen many people getting shaved. Both young and old. But I have never seen an adult getting shaved under his mother's strict supervision at a public saloon (we call them saloons here in India - basically a barber shop). 

Rabindra Nath Tagore had written long ago - তিন কোটি সন্তানেরে হে মুগ্ধ জননী, রেখেছো বাঙালি করে মানুষ করো নি . This was written probably a hundred years ago. It means, "Oh my great Mother, you have kept 30 million of your sons as just Bengalis, not as proper human beings". This is so very true in our society even today. We have learnt nothing from these writings. 

I wonder how these boys will ever handle life when they step into real adulthood and try to make a living in this big bad world on their own. How will they ever live a happy married life? Actually they don't. We have such a sample in our larger family. He was somewhat similarly protected by his parents and then he grew up, got married but could not have a happy married life. His wife lived for a few years like an outsider, if not a maid, in their house and then left. 

Now that his parents have both died, he lives alone and just cannot live a normal life because he is incapable of it. He looks like a street lunatic, eating from street side pice hotels when he can afford it. Due to some legal complications with his estranged wife, he gets picked up by the police every once in a while and spends time in jail. In fact I think he lives a better life in jail than outside when free. Is this the life his parents wanted him to have? But they did not foresee this coming. We could all see this except his parents. 

My parents never went with me to the hair cutting saloon. When I was a small child the barber used to come to our house and give me a hair cut while I would sit on a wooden chair on the verandah outside. As soon as I turned 10/12 I started going to the saloons on my own. I still remember my father telling me before my maiden voyage to the local saloon. Be very careful not to doze off. Barbers often take advantage of your slumber and clean your pockets. Little did he realize that active little boys don't doze off so easily on the barber's chair.

I started going to school on my own when I was less than 11 years old. I learnt cycling on my own. I did a lot of things on my own and without any parental hand holding. I am really proud of that. I made a lot of mistakes but I learnt a lot as well.

My parents taught me to take pride in doing things on my own. They taught me to be independent. They taught me that being dependent on someone or something is not a desirable quality. I am forever grateful to them for teaching this all important lesson to me. 

I have consciously tried to inculcate this into my daughter's life. She took pride in being able to do the short commutes and local travels on her own. Recently she went to Delhi all alone by train. She is going to come back alone too. 

I so wanted to tell this mother all this. She is as good as throwing her son into a pond with his hands and feet both tied to stones. She has no idea what she is doing. But alas I could not do it. I dared not do it.